11 | Hope I Didn’t Scare You

“I’m so sorry, Liz,” Sheryl said.

“Thanks, Sheryl.” My friend Sheryl had stopped by during naptime a couple of days after the appointment. We talked on my teal couch in the basement, surrounded by bookshelves, cups of hot tea in our hands.

“Who is your specialist, if you don’t mind me asking?” she said.

“Colorado Retina Associates,” I said.

“That’s who Carl saw – did I ever tell you he had an eye issue?” she said.

“What? No – what happened?” I said.

2 | Kind of Scared

On January 29, 2017, I stared at myself in the mirror in my bedroom, the one that hangs on the wall to the right of the bed. I stand in my underwear, a foot away from the glass, opening and closing my left eye. My optometrist appointment was the next day, and I had decided to do a final experiment before going to sleep that night – after all, I’d probably made the whole thing up, hypochondriac that I was, and I wanted to be sure the problem was even worth bringing up to a physician.

Left eyelid open: I can see my whole face. Left eyelid closed: I’m missing a nose. Open: all there. Closed: blank in the middle.